


gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow

by saysthemagpie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Dick Pics, F/M, M/M, Matchmaking, Sexting, Yachtgate, are niall and harry ever really apart, in their hearts?, niall isn't actually.. in this.. but, zero angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 19:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6766468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saysthemagpie/pseuds/saysthemagpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what really happened on the yacht.</p>
            </blockquote>





	gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow

**Author's Note:**

> i'm working on vamp narry, I SWEAR. but in the meantime: here's a silly little Hendall/Narry ficlet I wrote for the prompt _things you said with too many miles between us_ on tumblr a while back. 
> 
> title is, obviously, from the iconic [I'm On a Boat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU).

The idea comes to her on the yacht, after three days at sea.

“--and Niall’s a great kisser, you know,” Harry says, a bit wistfully. It’s about the thousandth time Niall’s come up since they boarded, so it takes Kendall a second to catch up. 

“Mmhm,” she says. “Wait, what?”

“He’s kissed loads of girls,” Harry says. He’s been holding onto her foot for the past ten minutes, though he seems to have forgotten about it. “Plus once he and Zayn made out on a dare, and Zayn said he tasted like tea. He was going to kiss me next, only Liam got hives from stress and made us stop playing.” 

“Hmm,” Kendall says. She adjusts her sunglasses, staring out over the water. 

She thinks it over all through dinner, and afterwards, when Harry insists on playing her one of the new songs he’s been writing for her on the yacht. It’s a nice enough song, although no one’s ever described her hair as _shining gold in the sunlight_ before. Also, she’s never been on stage next to Harry, as far as she can remember. Usually she’s on the runway and he’s watching her, or he’s performing at a One Direction concert and she’s watching him. She points this out. 

“Yeah, but _stage_ rhymes with _page_ ,” Harry explains patiently. He strums his guitar. “‘Cos of how you and me are always on the same page. Like how you think all my jokes are hilarious and you always let me win at rock paper scissors even if I cheat. And how you always know what to order for me at restaurants when I don’t know what I want.” 

“No tomatoes,” Kendall guesses. “Mostly lettuce. Lettuce with a side of lettuce.” 

“Exactly,” Harry says, then frowns. “Well, pretty close.”

She’s still thinking about it later, when they’re in bed together in their cabin. Harry's doing his best, really, but Kendall's a little distracted. 

“Harry,” she says. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but have you ever thought about having sex with Niall? Just, you know - hypothetically.” 

"What?" Harry asks.

"Or not hypothetically," Kendall adds. "Whichever."

“Um, I’m kind of having sex with you right now,” Harry says, which isn't exactly an answer. He props himself up on one elbow, wiping sweat off his forehead. “Anyway, Niall’s straight. I think.”

“He did kiss Zayn,” Kendall points out. 

“Yeah,” Harry says dismissively, “but at this point it’s like, who hasn’t kissed Zayn, you know?”

"Hmm,” Kendall says, storing this image away for future use. 

“And I’ve got a girlfriend,” Harry adds, as an afterthought. “You!”

The idea doesn’t seem to fill him with much enthusiasm. He pulls out and flops down on the bed next to her, sighing heavily as he strips the condom off. Sometimes sex with Harry just ends for no apparent reason, like he’d forgotten what they were doing in the first place. 

"Ugh," Harry says. "I just want him to be happy, you know? Sometimes I wake up in the morning and it’s all I can think about. _Is Niall happy?_ I wonder. _Did he floss today? Is he eating enough green things? Is he being sexually satisfied and then cuddled afterwards the way he deserves?_ It’s so exhausting, Kendall. I just wish I knew.”

“It’s because you’re such a great friend,” Kendall says, stroking his hair the way he likes. He nuzzles into her hand, meowing like a kitten, and they both laugh. “A purrfect friend,” she says. “Like a cat. Get it?”

“That’s funny,” Harry says. “That’s so funny. I should text that to Niall, right?”

“Use the cat emoji,” Kendall suggests. “With the heart eyes.”

“We should send him a selfie too, right?” Harry says, reaching for his phone. “Like, a really good one. Maybe with a caption that says, _Really really wish you were here on this yacht_ or something. So he knows how much we miss him.”

“Great idea,” Kendall says approvingly. She frowns, pretending to think about it. “But if you want to get a really good selfie, you’ll need someone to compose the shot, right? Like, an artistic director.”

“Oh,” Harry says, looking disappointed. “I hadn’t thought of that. And now it’s too late. Everybody’s in bed already.” 

“Um, earth to Harry.” She opens her eyes as wide as they’ll go. Harry’s eyes get wider too, that weird mirroring thing he does sometimes. “Who do you know around here who’s a professional model? Who do you know who’s been on like, a _zillion_ photoshoots?” 

It takes him a minute, as well as some subtle hand gestures, but he gets there in the end. “You!" Harry exclaims, brightening. "You’re a model! But if you’re directing it, how can you be in it?”

“Don’t worry about me,” Kendall says. “It’s for art, so. You have to make sacrifices. Now scoot up a little bit so you’re laying against the pillows.”

It takes a few minutes to get it just right. Harry’s very patient, lets her arrange him on the bed and fluff up the pillows behind him and muss up his hair and pinch at his lips to make them look pinker. He looks sort of like he’s just been having sex, but not _too_ much like he’s just been having sex. Perfect. The hair could do with an apple cider vinegar rinse or three, but the right filter’s gonna work miracles. 

“Okay,” she says, leaning back. “Don’t smile so big.”

She snaps a couple, then eyes the screen. 

“What?” Harry says anxiously. “Is it not good?” He grabs for the phone and studies the picture. 

“It’s just the angle.” She takes it back from him and tilts the phone a little, tilting it down. “Mm. Much better.”

“Kendall,” Harry says, looking scandalized. “I’m not wearing any pants.”

Kendall allows herself a moment to admire the view. It’s really something. Like, objectively speaking.

“Niall’s your best friend, Harry. I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t seen it all a million times before, right? What about all those naked snuggling parties you’re always going on about?”

“I guess,” Harry says, sounding uncertain. “It’s just, um. If my dick’s in the picture, isn’t it – I mean, isn’t it kind of like sending him a _dick pic_?”

“No way,” Kendall says. “Firstly, it’s an artistic selfie. It’s like, would you call the Mona Lisa a dick pic?”

“No,” Harry says slowly. “But, I mean - I feel like that’s different.”

“Selfie culture is modern art, Harry,” Kendall says. “And secondly, best friends send each other stuff like this all the time. Me and Gigi do, anyway.”

That makes Harry’s eyes glaze over for a second. “Really?” 

Kendall rolls her eyes. Boys.

“Focus, Harry. Are we doing art or are we not doing art?”

“We’re doing art,” Harry says quickly.

“I mean, if you feel weird about it, you could always put your hand on your thigh,” Kendall says. “Like this. And sort of – cover it with your hand, but – yeah, more like you’re wrapping your fingers around it, just like – mm, good, yeah. Hold it.”

She takes a few more and looks at them. Harry awaits the verdict, cradling his dick against his thigh. 

“Still missing something,” Kendall says. “It just still doesn’t quite say, _I’m having an amazing time, but it’d be so much better if you were here with me_.”  
  
“That’s exactly how I feel,” Harry says excitedly. “I mean, I guess I could type that out in a text –”

“ – but a picture speaks louder than a thousand words,” Kendall finishes for him, nodding. “Maybe if you looked a little – happier to see him, if you know what I mean?” She waggles her eyebrows at him. 

“Ohh,” Harry says. “Like, if I was hard?”

“Mm,” Kendall says. “I would help, but you know. Might compromise the integrity of the shot.“

“That’s okay,” Harry says, giving himself a few strokes. “I can just think about you. I mean, you’re right here, and you’re naked, so.”

“I guess,” Kendall says doubtfully. 

“Oh,” Harry says. “Sorry, is that rude? Should I not? I can think about something else. Like - guitars, or pints or something.”

“It’s just - when I’m sending pictures to Gigi, you know who I’m thinking about?”

“Me?” Harry ventures hopefully. 

“Nah,” Kendall says. “I’m thinking about Gigi, obviously. Since I’m texting her and all.”

“So what are you saying?” Harry says. “I should think about Niall while I’m, like - you know?”

“It’s only polite,” Kendall says. “It can just be normal stuff. Like how he looks when he gets out of the shower, that kind of thing. How sweaty he gets when he works out.”

Harry’s eyes are glazing over again. He’s stroking himself more firmly now, thumbing over the slit to collect the wetness gathered there, the slide of it slick and tight. “Is that – _uhn_ – normal stuff?” he asks, eyes fluttering shut.

“What _is_ normal, really?” Kendall asks, snapping pictures furiously. “I mean, aren’t norms just social constructs anyway?”

“Oh,” Harry says, breathless. “That’s so – you’re so smart, Kendall.” 

“I know,” Kendall says. “Now tell me what you’re thinking about, Harry.”

“Niall,” Harry gasps out. “’M thinking about his legs, they’re so – God, how do they even hold him up, and – his arms, and his, um – ”

“His dick, Harry?” Kendall asks. “That’s okay, babe. I bet it’s a nice one.” 

Harry groans and turns his head to one side, arching up a little, showing off the gorgeous expanse of his chest, his taut stomach, the wet pink head of his dick as it disappears and reappears in the tight circle of his fist. “God, Kendall, it’s such a nice dick, it’s – I bet it would feel so good inside, just – anywhere. God, I’d let him stick it _anywhere_ – ”

“Good boy, Harry,” Kendall says, rubbing her thighs together. “These are turning out great, by the way, looks like real art. But don’t hold out on him. Give him the money shot, yeah? Show him what he’d get if he was here.”

“If he was here,” Harry gasps, flinging one arm over his face, hand working furiously between his legs. “If he – oh, I wish he was here, I wish – fuck, Niall, _fuck_ ,” and then he groans again like he’s in pain, cock jerking hard in his fist, spilling hot and sticky all over his butterfly tattoo.

“That was perfect, babe,” Kendall says, petting his hair again. He blinks up at her, dazed. “I feel like he’s really gonna love this selfie.”

“Yeah,” Harry says weakly. “You can – you can send whichever one looks best. I’m just – gonna rest my eyes for a minute, okay?”

“There’s just one small thing,” Kendall says. “I guess I was so focused on getting the perfect shot, I must’ve accidentally set it to video.” 

Harry props himself up on his elbows, his stomach a sticky mess. “Oh no,” he says. “So we have to do it again?”

“Nah,” Kendall says. “I figure we just send him the video, right? Then he can pick whatever frames he thinks look best. It’s like – that’s even more like real art, if you think about it. Performance art. An interactive selfie.” 

“That’s pretty cool,” Harry agrees. “And I guess, like – as long as we put the caption too, he’ll definitely get what we meant.”

“Good call,” Kendall says. “How’s this: _Right now, I wish you were here with me. All the love, H. x_.”

“You’re so good at this,” Harry says dreamily. “You have such a way with words.”

“Thanks, babe,” Kendall says, patting him on the thigh. “Going to send it now, all right? How about you go take a shower and get all cleaned up and then we can go to sleep?”

“Okay,” Harry says, sighing happily. “Thanks for helping me. I really just worry, you know? I want him to be happy, and – ”

“Mm, I remember,” Kendall says. “Well, I have a feeling this selfie is going to make him very, very happy, Harry.” She opens up a text to Niall and starts tapping out the message. 

“Oh,” she says as Harry’s digging around for his towel. “I almost forgot, I got this special shampoo for you, too. Left it in the shower. It looks just like my normal shampoo, but it’s actually like, 150% organic.” 

“You’re the best,” Harry says, and wanders into the bathroom, singing, “Let’s go crazy together, whoa, whoa!” at the top of his lungs. 

She sends the video and caption to Niall first. Harry always takes forever in the shower, so she’s got plenty of time to take a couple interactive selfies of her own for Gigi. 

Then she deletes every last one of them from Harry’s phone and double checks his iCloud settings, just to be safe. Can’t be too careful these days.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic now has a sequel where narry gets together! it's called [get your towels ready, it's about to go down](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/17292610). 
> 
> on tumblr: you can find my main 1d blog [here](http://www.ticklefightharry.tumblr.com) and my fic-only blog [here](http://www.saysthemagpie.tumblr.com).


End file.
